Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i will never coherently bang her
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So much rum. So many feels.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
