I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
