literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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