I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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