Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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