She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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