I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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