i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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