I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Too much gin, very little bucket
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
