you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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