I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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