This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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