I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
