i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
