Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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