We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
