you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
