so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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