College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
