she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
