went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
