I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
