found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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