The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
