then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
