Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
