Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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