I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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