I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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