I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
