Only a mothe r could love this liver
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
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