i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
