onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
