Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
