Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
