If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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