Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
