the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Of course I have a pirate flag
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
