I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
