That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
