Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
love makes seman taste better
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
