please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
