My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Will you blow on my dice?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
