gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
