I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
