hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
