he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My bed smells like the plague
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
