my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
