new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
