I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
