Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
