im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
