I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
