I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
