i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just high enough for therapy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
