i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
