so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
